im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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