I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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