Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
