Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
