is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
