I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize