I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
