it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
