She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
