my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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