I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
