So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
