Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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