You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
