Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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