Barsexuality is the new black.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
And then my night got REAL pukey
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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