i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
