The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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