I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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