I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
