I must be too annoying 4 u.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
