Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
