I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
