i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
