shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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