there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
