I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Randomize
