i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
