And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
