This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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