My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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