Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
time to smoke my breakfast
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
