so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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