yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
