"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
