if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
