Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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