so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
