she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
