I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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