i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
