headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
