meet me or not, i'm out of control
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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