We're facebook friends in real life
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
