a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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