I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
