Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
