I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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