barbara walters just said penis...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
