So drunk its hurt
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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