My hand turned me down
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
