It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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