I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
