i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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