do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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