I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
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We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
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Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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