but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
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then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
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My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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