Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
