Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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