Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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