I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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