Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
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You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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