On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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