help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
