So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
